Messy Pages

The Journal of a Messy Mind

Page Nineteen

Page 19: October 6, 2016

I see dead people: How I deal with seeing the dead

I’m not going to lie, I was a skeptic. I thought mediums and psychics were scammers and crazy. I honestly never thought that one thing, one day could change my life forever. I was babysitting when I first saw a spirit, scared the living shit out of me. I thought someone broke in. I ran and put the baby in her crib and grabbed a knife. I called my mom crying and told her that all the doors were locked but there was a body print in the chair where I saw the man sitting. When she told me that I could see the dead, I literally thought I was crazy. I debated checking myself into a mental hospital. I cried every night because I thought I was going crazy. It took me a long time to come to terms with what was happening. Somedays I still scare myself. It was hard to tell people. I think telling Alex was the hardest. I get it. Honestly, if you don’t believe me, that’s fine. I’m not here to argue with anyone. I’m a big believer in seeing is believing. I would never force my views or beliefs on anyone but, this is my life. I see the dead every single day and that’s what I have to deal with. I always get told that my “gift” is a blessing.  I say it’s a blessing AND a curse. A blessing because I never truly lose anyone. I speak to my great grandparents almost every day. I help people. I bring people closure. A curse because I don’t just see my family members. I see horrible things, bad people, I can get hurt, I’ve been attacked. It’s really horrible sometimes. Unbearable even. My anxiety got so bad because I was seeing so many people that it was overwhelming. I think I was going crazy in a way. I was so overwhelmed by everything and I was so unstable. Why do I still do what I do?  How do I deal with it? I guess the good out weighs the bad. I love helping people and honestly I can’t keep what Spirit has told me to myself. If Spirit has a message for someone, who am I to keep it to myself? I have this “gift” for some crazy reason. I cannot explain it but I have to do this. If i can bring comfort and closure to people then who am I to ignore this? Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard. Somedays are a real struggle for me. I do it though. I think  my Great-Grandparents are a big part in keeping me going. Seeing them everyday really makes a difference. They help me talk to other Spirits and to always make sure I’m okay. It’s crazy. It sounds crazy. It’s real though. As real as you and me. I’ve seen things that I can never truly explain myself. How do I know I’m not crazy? I know things about people’s loved ones that I’m not supposed to know. This was one of my biggest comforts while I was coming to terms with this. It was the only solid thing I could hold onto. Now, I’ve helped a lot of people. My mom and I have a lot of people who come to us to talk to their loved ones and it’s always a true pleasure for me. I’m glad people can trust us, I’m glad the dead trust us.

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