Messy Pages

The Journal of a Messy Mind

Page Seven

Page Seven: September 23, 2016

“Every Flower must grow through dirt.”

Lately I have been feeling down. It seems as if the world gave me a slight glimpse of happiness and then took it away. Everything seems so gray lately as if I’m walking around with a cloud over my head. It’s funny, it seems like I go in and out. My happiness is so overwhelming sometimes and then boom. My sadness takes over and it’s so dark. I’ve come to realize that I really cannot control everything that goes on around me but I can control myself and how I react to every situation. In the past, I wasn’t able to control my emotions. I’m trying really hard now to take a step back and looking at the entire situation before I decide to panic. Life has thrown some difficult things at me and in the past, I have lost it. I don’t want to be known as the drama queen anymore. I want to have a handle on my emotions and on my life. I’ve been trying to wake up earlier, make more art, focus on The Sacred Elm, be present and not wrapped up in my emotions or sadness. I’m trying really hard not to let my sadness or anxiety take over my life anymore. I don’t want to lay in bed and be sad anymore. I don’t want to be labeled as crazy, over reacting or drama anymore. I don’t want to be labeled as useless. I’m not useless. I am not a drama queen. I will not let my disorders define me or take over my life. Not ever again. I am strong. I am not useless. I am not lazy. I am a human being who struggles. I have my bad days and I have my good days. I am human. I have my faults. I am not perfect. No one is. I have to tell myself this every day because people like to comment on my life like they know what I go through every day. No one knows what I go through every day except me. I am worthy of life even if it is a crazy hectic one.

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